You see, as a youth pastor, we come into a church and make immediate relationships. It's our calling, our passion, our inner drive. It's who we are and I guess you could say it's part of our gifts our Lord has given those in ministry. But, after 17 years of doing this, I have noticed a trend...you come to a church, do your thing, make friends and after some time has passed and your work is finished, you are called elsewhere and many of those friendships end. They don't move on with you. I mean, the fondness always remains, but being in the trenches of everyday life stops and the everyday or every week conversations turn in to 2-3 times a year conversations. Friends on Facebook, followers on Twitter, but the genuine "how's life going for ya" conversations end....
For the first and only time in my life, I had one of those friendships come with me and that friend was Ken Moore. I left Lawrenceville FUMC in 2006 and was still friends with Ken Moore, because he pursued me. From the week I left, Ken and I were on the phone, chatting about the church, the new kids, the old kids, how the move was going and those conversations continued right up until the beginning of this year.
So I wanted to take a moment to explain who Ken Moore was, too me...and to everyone else that knew him.
I first met Ken in the fellowship hall, right before youth group, in 2006. He walked up, introduced himself and his kids, Nic and Natalie. Nic didn't meet a stranger and Natalie was a shy little thing. Ken carried the conversation (as I would find out in every conversation after that, Ken always carried the conversation!). I explained what we did, where his kids would be and then he said the phrase every youth minister dreams about, "ok, so where do you need me," and from that day, Ken didn't miss one single Sunday night, retreat or event...even long after I was gone. It was too good to be true, but Ken always followed up on what he said he was going to do and I also found out as our friendship grew, he always followed through...always!
Ken never approached us and told us what we should be doing better....he always approached those moments with sleeves rolled up, working boots on and standing behind the phrase, "how bout I help in this way..." He always had a plan. It was as if he was not just one step ahead of the game....he was 10-20 steps ahead of things. If there was a new student visiting, the student and family had met Ken Moore already! If there was a student who hadn't been attending, they had received a message from Ken Moore! If the student was in college, graduated from the youth program, they had received a message from Ken Moore.
Over the years, when we met for lunch, the first hour of our lunches (sometimes they went 3-4 hours), were him filling me in on what everyone was up to from Lawrencville FUMC. He had pictures, he had messages, he had stories and he had joy in his voice about every single student and adult he was telling me about.
The one moment that has always been with me was the week before his first Spring Break Beach trip. He volunteered and wanted to be prepared so I debriefed him as best I could. I told him about the group sessions and the small group sessions, the talent show, the free time, the differing roles between a small group leader and a chaperone. When it came time for me to explain the last night, the alter call night, I couldn't come up with any words...only to describe it as intense and for him to be ready. He asked, "what does that mean?" Of coarse, I had to be honest and tell him, no words could really do it justice. I said, "just be ready and you will know what to do when it happens." Years later, Ken would tell me he was terrified of that first Beach Retreat alter call because he had never been in that kind of environment before, with kids crying, hugging, forgiving one another, rededicating their lives to Christ and for some, coming to know Christ for the first time. That night, as the alter call started, I saw Ken, embracing students who ran to him for prayer, encouragement and support. He was changed! He told me he was! He had never prayed with anyone before, in that kind of manner and something changed in his life, on that trip. I saw a man, who had already been present in the lives of so many students already, have a godly presence, purpose and passion that drove him to be the great mentor, friend and counselor he became.
In the years that passed, I took a job at Alpharetta FUMC after serving Smyrna FUMC for 3 years and because it was a little closer to Lawrenceville, Ken decided to surprise me a few times by bringing a car load of students to Alpharetta for youth group. Those moments meant the world to me, to see the middle schoolers I had, all grown up as high school students and some in college. I never asked him to do any of this...once again, it was Ken, rolling up his sleeves and doing what he did best...loving people....genuinely! Looking into the hearts of others, sensing a great need and doing whatever it took to meet that need!
A few years ago, after the birth Audrey, Ken made a special trip over to H& R Block, to visit with Toni, myself and Anita Solty, but it was clear from the minute we walked in the door why he was really there...to meet Audrey! And she took right to him. He had Anita take a few pictures on his phone and these will be forever cherished in my heart.
In the last few years, Ken would bring his son, Nic, to the lunches and that was an added bonus because I felt that I never had the chance to fully develop the relationship God had planned for me in the life of Nic. We talked about his kids all of the time and they were his pride and joy. The next hour of our loooooong lunches were about Nic and Natalie and what his wife Angie was up to. He always seemed to have a trunk load of stuff his was taking to the post office or UPS that had to be shipped. He was attending football games, school events, etc...even though I didn't get a chance to be around his family anymore, it was as if I had been a part of their lives over those 8 years I had been gone from Lawrencville because I knew everything that was going on.
Ken was a details guy! I say this while laughing out loud because I can't clearly express the long, drawn out stories that he would tell me about things that I normally wouldn't care about...and even in my ADD state, I still had no idea who he was talking about sometimes, but the stories were so fascinating about who he was helping and what he was doing to organize this and that, I stayed glued to him. Not to his stories, just him...because I knew, every single time I was with Ken, I was in the presence of someone that was special. Someone who cared about others more deeply than the average person. Someone who treated every chance meeting, with a stranger, acquaintance or friend as a meeting of purpose.
This past Thursday, Ken had come to my mind, in a way where I knew I should have called him, but I didn't. I got busy and forgot. I never once thought that I wouldn't get to talk to him ever again. These last few days have been filled with emotion and sadness because I learned on Sunday night, right before youth group had started, that Ken took his life. I have struggled with the person I knew him to be and the road that he must have traveled to get to where he had ended up. In speaking with his best friend and some others, I was able to put the missing pieces together in my heart and know that Ken had not been himself lately and the battle with depression and anxiety that had been such turmoil in his life lately.
It's going to be hard to say goodbye to a one of a kind, well....really, a once in a lifetime friend, tomorrow. I don't want to say goodbye. So, Ken....I know and we all know that what happened was not you. It was a succumbing to who you thought you were and those of us that know you, the hundreds of youth and adults who have posted on your Facebook page speaks volumes to who you really were, I love you and will miss you greatly! I'm not angry, just deeply saddened and heartbroken. I know you are completely healed and healthy and I consider myself to have been blessed to have known the "best guy" I have ever known.
Jay, this is very beautifully written. I pray God provides peace for you and everyone else during this difficult time.
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